Second Attempt

Trying something new.

Dear 12oz Americano with room for creme,

Thanks for telling me your name the other day. I feel like I’m better at my job when I can greet our regular customers by name. And you get bonus points for being among the least weird.

Thanks again,

Erin

Dear Motherfucker,

There is a mutherfucking sink and a motherfucking trashcan on that motherfucking coffee station. You can tell it’s a motherfucking sink because of the motherfucking drain; you can tell it’s a motherfucking trashcan because of the pile of motherfucking trash inside. Please pour your motherfucking coffee into the motherfucking sink and put your motherfucking trash in the motherfucking trashcan.

(You’ll get a motherfucking valediction when you stop putting your motherfucking straw wrappers in my motherfucking sink.)

Erin

Dear TanLines,

There is no way you can taste anything but stevia when you dump that much of it in your coffee. Ick.

Thanks,

Erin

Dear NameTag,

Thanks for telling the morning guy that I make the best iced mochas. Compliments are great but second-hand compliments are awesome and you get bonus points for saying it after you’d tasted the one he made for you. In your face, cocky morning guy.

Thanks!

Erin

Dear Enzymes,

I’m sorry I have the urge to hide every time I see you. Your drink isn’t even that hard to make, and you are really friendly all the time. I should not hold your particular type of crazy against you. Even though we all pretend we dread it, I am honored to be your favorite juicer right now. I promise to try to be better.

With affection,

Erin

Dear Picky,

I’m happy to give you that piece of cake right there to the left of the sign, but it works so much better if you tell me this before I box and price a piece of cake for you.

Thanks,

Erin

Dear MuffinMan,

If I could shit muffins, I would keep that basket full of fresh delicious baked goods. But until I work out the mechanics of that, someone will have to bake them, and that someone isn’t me.

Deepest apologies,

Erin

Up In The Air

Charming. Honestly, that’s the best word for this movie. Anna Kendrick is charming. George Clooney is charming. The soundtrack is charming. Jason Bateman’s performance in Arrested Development is so awesome that he will be charming in everything he ever appears in for the rest of his life. So there you have it. Up In The Air is charming.

But it’s mostly a real-life fantasy. Ryan Bingham is sexy and powerful–so powerful that he can fire people at companies he doesn’t even work for and make it seem like he’s doing them a favor. And seriously, tell me you haven’t wished you were one of those bastards that could just jump in the priority line at the airport and I’ll tell you you’re kidding yourself. Hell, even though I hate talking on the phone, I’d love to have my own private line that I could call just to have things handled (these actually exist!). We all kind of want to be Ryan Bingham. Free and lovely with a well-packed carry-on and a family he never sees. Right, because that’s the whole underlying message: that people are more important that elite status on an airline. Which is then ironic because in order to keep people as a priority he has to go back on the road. See? That was fun. And the movie is fun.

It’s the kind of film you don’t have to think too hard about to enjoy, but if you want to think too hard about it it’s still a pretty solid satire. And that’s great for everyone.

Watch the second of the deleted scenes for a good laugh. Watch the rest of them to make the movie a little more sad.

Up In The Air was directed by Jason Reitman.